Thursday, December 01, 2005
One Thing In This World I Need Less Of…
I’ve decided that there is at least one thing in this world that I need less of… nude old guys talking to me at the gym. Let’s take that apart and analyze it shall we?
We’ll start with the end of the sentence because it’s really the easiest and it sets the scene for the attacks. Both men and women know the horrors that can occur in a gym locker room… bad hygiene, rude people jumping your claim on a sink, or selfish bogarting the area around the lockers to make it their own person dressing zone. These are all minor issues to me as I can easily just move away from the person in question, so let’s move on.
Now, back to the beginning of the sentence… “nude old guys”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of any nude guys. Despite my abilities to cook and keep a clean house, I’m a fan of the female form and planning on sticking with it for a long time. However, in this instance, I’ve noticed that it’s the old guys at the gym that are the biggest offenders as the younger set know to keep their distance.
And the final part of the equation… “talking to me”. I think I could really keep my sanity in check if there were just nude old guys at the gym; after all, it is a locker room and I drop trou like the rest of them. However, where these guys cross the line are when they start chatting me up about anything and everything… without covering up. This is basically an extension of the no talking in the bathroom rule guys have taken to the extreme, because now these guys are completely a sway, chatty, and for some reason, prone to putting one leg up on the little stools they have around the locker area. And of course, they usually do this to you while you’re sitting there putting your shoes on or something, you’re at exactly the right height to get clean shot of the future of your own junk as this guy tells you about his weekend of boating or what have you.
So, as a member of the male side of the human race, nude old guys talking to me at the gym take note – knock it off, you’re wiggin’ me out.
Jeff @ The Gag
We’ll start with the end of the sentence because it’s really the easiest and it sets the scene for the attacks. Both men and women know the horrors that can occur in a gym locker room… bad hygiene, rude people jumping your claim on a sink, or selfish bogarting the area around the lockers to make it their own person dressing zone. These are all minor issues to me as I can easily just move away from the person in question, so let’s move on.
Now, back to the beginning of the sentence… “nude old guys”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of any nude guys. Despite my abilities to cook and keep a clean house, I’m a fan of the female form and planning on sticking with it for a long time. However, in this instance, I’ve noticed that it’s the old guys at the gym that are the biggest offenders as the younger set know to keep their distance.
And the final part of the equation… “talking to me”. I think I could really keep my sanity in check if there were just nude old guys at the gym; after all, it is a locker room and I drop trou like the rest of them. However, where these guys cross the line are when they start chatting me up about anything and everything… without covering up. This is basically an extension of the no talking in the bathroom rule guys have taken to the extreme, because now these guys are completely a sway, chatty, and for some reason, prone to putting one leg up on the little stools they have around the locker area. And of course, they usually do this to you while you’re sitting there putting your shoes on or something, you’re at exactly the right height to get clean shot of the future of your own junk as this guy tells you about his weekend of boating or what have you.
So, as a member of the male side of the human race, nude old guys talking to me at the gym take note – knock it off, you’re wiggin’ me out.
Jeff @ The Gag
