Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Becoming Mongo
Have you ever noticed that when you’re around someone new that you really like that you suddenly drop several IQ points? I don’t want to sound like a braggart, but I’m a fairly intelligent person… decently schooled, well read, etc., but for some reason lately, I’m walking around like I should have been held back at about the junior high school level.
The other day, I jumped out of the car to help pump gas and suddenly, I appear to have forgotten how to secure the little self-pump latch that has been on pumps for about a decade now. What the hell is that? I know how that part works and suddenly, in the presence of someone who I’m hoping the most I don’t look like an idiot in front of, I’m pawing at this crude device like I was one of the apes that didn’t make it up to the monolith in time.
Here’s another one… I love to cook, taken classes and the whole deal, including one on handling knives (really good knives can be dangerous). Yet, when I’m asked to help lately, I’m fumbling all over the cutting board like I was wielding a scythe to chop mushrooms… even nailed the back of my hand… the back!
Motor functions… speech… the whole deal… I’m actually devolving at a time when I need to be at the top of my game. Let’s just pray it comes across at endearing later instead of “what on Earth am I doing hanging out with this troglodyte?”
Jeff @ The Gag
The other day, I jumped out of the car to help pump gas and suddenly, I appear to have forgotten how to secure the little self-pump latch that has been on pumps for about a decade now. What the hell is that? I know how that part works and suddenly, in the presence of someone who I’m hoping the most I don’t look like an idiot in front of, I’m pawing at this crude device like I was one of the apes that didn’t make it up to the monolith in time.
Here’s another one… I love to cook, taken classes and the whole deal, including one on handling knives (really good knives can be dangerous). Yet, when I’m asked to help lately, I’m fumbling all over the cutting board like I was wielding a scythe to chop mushrooms… even nailed the back of my hand… the back!
Motor functions… speech… the whole deal… I’m actually devolving at a time when I need to be at the top of my game. Let’s just pray it comes across at endearing later instead of “what on Earth am I doing hanging out with this troglodyte?”
Jeff @ The Gag
Monday, October 24, 2005
The Parent Trap
Sometimes you have to see how bad something can get before you really discover how good you really have it in life. Sometimes you wander through most of your life thinking that you got a crap deal when it turns out, you were living the life and you should really shut the hell up and be grateful you had what you did all these years. Sometimes it takes a new person in your life to see all these things.
To hear the psychologists tell it, I came from a “broken home”, that is, my parents were divorced. I was eight years old when it happened, my sister was just four. I didn’t really understand the reasons until I was in my teens, but by then, being angry about them seemed pointless. From what I understand, I should be pretty “broken” myself… closed off emotionally, quick to distrust others, hard to get to know, etc., but I’m not… never really was, actually. Sure, I’m single now, but I don’t blame them for that (personally, I blame the Dutch, but that’s another issue).
My mom and dad, and step mom, are amazing. They knew that there were kids involved and made every effort to ensure that my sister and I could never use the divorce as a crutch in life. My dad moved literally across the street from my mother’s house so that we could always be close (made for a great escape route when things got tough at any one location). The court mandated visitation was just a spring board for our time with our dad. We still had big family holiday dinners. My mom even watched my half-brother when he was young… who does that? I know parents who are still married who don’t get along this well.
Yet, we’re “broken”, right?
Today, my dad and I hang out like we were great friends rather than father and son. My mom is renowned for being one of the best mom’s in North America… to the point where exes miss her more than me post-breakup. And my step-mom manages to one of the cooler people I know, despite everything you’ve been raised to know about “step-monsters”.
I’ve seen some real pain dealt out by parents… deep, psychological stuff that makes your heart ache and does damage years after it has been delivered like a slow release virus in your system. I can see how that hurt does all the things that the shrinks claim just the basic broken home is supposed to do to all kids of a broken home, weather they are broken or not. And worst of all, I see the parents not realize how much damage they are really doing.
I love my broken home… wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Jeff @ The Gag
PS – Thanks Mom and Dad and Sally. And thanks IP for the new set of eyes.
To hear the psychologists tell it, I came from a “broken home”, that is, my parents were divorced. I was eight years old when it happened, my sister was just four. I didn’t really understand the reasons until I was in my teens, but by then, being angry about them seemed pointless. From what I understand, I should be pretty “broken” myself… closed off emotionally, quick to distrust others, hard to get to know, etc., but I’m not… never really was, actually. Sure, I’m single now, but I don’t blame them for that (personally, I blame the Dutch, but that’s another issue).
My mom and dad, and step mom, are amazing. They knew that there were kids involved and made every effort to ensure that my sister and I could never use the divorce as a crutch in life. My dad moved literally across the street from my mother’s house so that we could always be close (made for a great escape route when things got tough at any one location). The court mandated visitation was just a spring board for our time with our dad. We still had big family holiday dinners. My mom even watched my half-brother when he was young… who does that? I know parents who are still married who don’t get along this well.
Yet, we’re “broken”, right?
Today, my dad and I hang out like we were great friends rather than father and son. My mom is renowned for being one of the best mom’s in North America… to the point where exes miss her more than me post-breakup. And my step-mom manages to one of the cooler people I know, despite everything you’ve been raised to know about “step-monsters”.
I’ve seen some real pain dealt out by parents… deep, psychological stuff that makes your heart ache and does damage years after it has been delivered like a slow release virus in your system. I can see how that hurt does all the things that the shrinks claim just the basic broken home is supposed to do to all kids of a broken home, weather they are broken or not. And worst of all, I see the parents not realize how much damage they are really doing.
I love my broken home… wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Jeff @ The Gag
PS – Thanks Mom and Dad and Sally. And thanks IP for the new set of eyes.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
My Jon Favreau Story or “Why I’m Such a Tool”
For those of you that don’t immediately recognize the name, Jon Favreau is commonly known as “the other guy” from Swingers (i.e. “not Vince Vaughn”). What most people don’t know is that he actually wrote and directed Swingers, along with Made and has also written and directed a lot of other projects over the years as well as acted in many more.
I had the pleasure of actually meeting Jon Favreau once; unfortunately, my opinion of him after that meeting was less than favorable after what I thought was a brush off answer he gave me during our discussion.
One Friday night a few years ago, I was at the Bob’s Big Boy in Burbank enjoying a classic car night that was heavy on 60s Mustangs, a favorite of mine. After looking over a particularly cherry ’64 convertible, I looked up to see none other than Jon Favreau looking over the same car. Being a big fan of his work, I broke my usual rule of leaving celebrities alone (they’re people too, and I can just imagine that sometimes they just want to hang out like regular people) and walked over to introduce myself.
After making sure it was him by asking, “Jon, right?”, I proceeded to gush a tad by telling him how much I loved Swingers, Made, and his other work and then I asked him what he was currently working on, hoping to get a little inside information from the source.
Then Jon Favreau looked me dead in the eye and said, “Jumanji 2”.
I said, “Oh, cool.” and thanked him for talking to me and slowly walked away like he had just told me he was into juggling kittens.
In case you don’t remember, Jumanji was a movie starring Robin Williams that came out in the mid 90s and told the story of two children who find a magical board game that causes them all kinds of trouble when it “comes alive” and destroys their house. In my opinion, it was actually a good movie and I’m sure kids loved it… alas, it just didn’t do that well at the box office (I think it did get a little more life on video).
So, when I heard Jon Favreau say that he was working on a sequel, I immediately thought he was pulling my chain as a way to ditch a rabid fan. Later on, I even told friends that I met Jon Favreau and thought he was kind of a jerk because he brushed me off with a BS answer to a legit question.
So, a few years later I’m sitting in a midnight show for Serenity in Hollywood and I see a preview for a movie coming out this holiday season called Zathura, about two kids who find a board game that whisks their house out into space and causes all kinds of problems. Then, just as I make a mental note to try and see that with my godson, the movie wraps up with the tagline “From the World of Jumanji”.
Oh no…
The next morning, I check the Internet Movie Database and sure enough, Zathura is directed by… Jon Favreau… I am such a tool.
This whole time I’ve been slandering one of my favorite people in Hollywood and it turns out what I thought was a way to ditch me was a totally legit answer. And the really sad part is that there’s little chance that I’ll meet up with the guy again and get the chance to apologize… although I doubt he even remembers me or that I could have possibly been ticked at the answer he gave me back then.
I really don’t have a moral to this story outside of avoid being a tool to Jon Favreau, but it does make for a great story… when I need to be reminded of what a tool I can be… sigh.
Jeff @ The Gag
I had the pleasure of actually meeting Jon Favreau once; unfortunately, my opinion of him after that meeting was less than favorable after what I thought was a brush off answer he gave me during our discussion.
One Friday night a few years ago, I was at the Bob’s Big Boy in Burbank enjoying a classic car night that was heavy on 60s Mustangs, a favorite of mine. After looking over a particularly cherry ’64 convertible, I looked up to see none other than Jon Favreau looking over the same car. Being a big fan of his work, I broke my usual rule of leaving celebrities alone (they’re people too, and I can just imagine that sometimes they just want to hang out like regular people) and walked over to introduce myself.
After making sure it was him by asking, “Jon, right?”, I proceeded to gush a tad by telling him how much I loved Swingers, Made, and his other work and then I asked him what he was currently working on, hoping to get a little inside information from the source.
Then Jon Favreau looked me dead in the eye and said, “Jumanji 2”.
I said, “Oh, cool.” and thanked him for talking to me and slowly walked away like he had just told me he was into juggling kittens.
In case you don’t remember, Jumanji was a movie starring Robin Williams that came out in the mid 90s and told the story of two children who find a magical board game that causes them all kinds of trouble when it “comes alive” and destroys their house. In my opinion, it was actually a good movie and I’m sure kids loved it… alas, it just didn’t do that well at the box office (I think it did get a little more life on video).
So, when I heard Jon Favreau say that he was working on a sequel, I immediately thought he was pulling my chain as a way to ditch a rabid fan. Later on, I even told friends that I met Jon Favreau and thought he was kind of a jerk because he brushed me off with a BS answer to a legit question.
So, a few years later I’m sitting in a midnight show for Serenity in Hollywood and I see a preview for a movie coming out this holiday season called Zathura, about two kids who find a board game that whisks their house out into space and causes all kinds of problems. Then, just as I make a mental note to try and see that with my godson, the movie wraps up with the tagline “From the World of Jumanji”.
Oh no…
The next morning, I check the Internet Movie Database and sure enough, Zathura is directed by… Jon Favreau… I am such a tool.
This whole time I’ve been slandering one of my favorite people in Hollywood and it turns out what I thought was a way to ditch me was a totally legit answer. And the really sad part is that there’s little chance that I’ll meet up with the guy again and get the chance to apologize… although I doubt he even remembers me or that I could have possibly been ticked at the answer he gave me back then.
I really don’t have a moral to this story outside of avoid being a tool to Jon Favreau, but it does make for a great story… when I need to be reminded of what a tool I can be… sigh.
Jeff @ The Gag
