Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Happy Freakin’ Holidays
A couple of times in my life, I really hated this time of year. It wasn’t so much Christmas or the other holidays around it so much, but what the holidays did to people and what I was doing at the time that brought on this hatred.
The first time was a three year stint I did at Radio Shack in college. I should have seen this coming, Radio Shack is one of the worst places on Earth to work. It comes from a combination really bad products and odd people who really love those really bad products that starts you down the road of bad places to work, really, but you top that off with the fact that they put their employees on a commission based salary when most of what they sell is batteries and transistors, you get a truly horrible work environment. As a bonus, the one time of year when you actually can make a commission, the holidays, the corporate office lowers the commission rate so you’re not making nearly as much as you should. And for some reason, I suffered through that for three years… why I didn’t go work at Disneyland like everyone else I knew in college is a real mystery to me to this day.
Anyway, so we’ve established that Radio Shack is a horrible place to work, but let’s talk more about the holidays… when evil really came to town. You see, retail is a hellish occupation on its own, but the holidays really make it shine because of all the extra people all showing up at once. And these aren’t just your regular, everyday consumers; no, these are people who rarely get out of the house except to shop for presents.
And what’s worse, they shopped for them at Radio Shack, who despite having a good flow of customers during this time of year, never really has a lot of truly good stuff to sell. Think about any Christmas you like and then try and remember what was the really hot item or toy that season… got it yet? Now, no matter what you thought of, Radio Shack never had it available… I’m not talking “in stock” either, I mean they just didn’t carry anything popular… ever. Yet, people still bought the stuff… but never wanted to buy the right batteries to go with it because they thought this electronic toy ran on magic and good intentions.
There’s a lot more to this story, but I’ll save it. The point is, a few holidays like that and you really lose your Christmas spirit.
The second time was the previous couple of years. The Gag is now going through its fourth Christmas and, thanks to all of you, it keeps growing year after year. Well, for a couple of years there, it was still small enough that I was filling all the orders myself, yet big enough that I was up until all hours of the night filling said orders while still holding down a full time job. This left very little time for all the fun parts of the holidays… the parties, the Christmas specials, the shopping, what have you… I lost all of that for those two years because if I tried to skip a night to do something fun, the orders would double up on me and I wouldn’t get to sleep at all.
Naturally, this too will suck the holiday spirit right out of you.
Luckily, I don’t have to work retail anymore and The Gag got large enough this year that I got to bring in help in filling orders. So, now I can go back to really enjoying the holidays and out of respect for my retail brethren, I do all my shopping online. And of course, I am back to where I really love this time of year again.
So, from all of us here at The Gag, I would like to wish you all a Happy Holiday Season and the best to all of you in the new year.
Jeff @ The Gag
PS – By the way, you’ll notice I said “Happy Holidays” up there. I know there is a lot of controversy right now about how people think we should go back to saying “Merry Christmas” or whatever. The problem I have with saying “Merry Christmas” doesn’t have anything to do with being “PC”, but just polite and practical. I need everyone to remember that you say things like the generic “happy holidays” because you don’t always know the religion of the person you’re speaking to at that moment… I personally work with a wide variety of Christians, Jews, and even Atheist who celebrate the Winter Solstice just to have something to do, and those are just the people I know.
Anyway, when you start to get really ticked about the fact that you don’t see “Merry Christmas” on the signs at Target, just remember that you’re not the only person in the world and you have to share it with everyone else… and in the US, there’s a really good chance everyone around could be something else besides what you are. And if you’re still angry… well then, you’re probably just forgetting the real reason for the season… and it has nothing to do what is printed on the signs.
J.
The first time was a three year stint I did at Radio Shack in college. I should have seen this coming, Radio Shack is one of the worst places on Earth to work. It comes from a combination really bad products and odd people who really love those really bad products that starts you down the road of bad places to work, really, but you top that off with the fact that they put their employees on a commission based salary when most of what they sell is batteries and transistors, you get a truly horrible work environment. As a bonus, the one time of year when you actually can make a commission, the holidays, the corporate office lowers the commission rate so you’re not making nearly as much as you should. And for some reason, I suffered through that for three years… why I didn’t go work at Disneyland like everyone else I knew in college is a real mystery to me to this day.
Anyway, so we’ve established that Radio Shack is a horrible place to work, but let’s talk more about the holidays… when evil really came to town. You see, retail is a hellish occupation on its own, but the holidays really make it shine because of all the extra people all showing up at once. And these aren’t just your regular, everyday consumers; no, these are people who rarely get out of the house except to shop for presents.
And what’s worse, they shopped for them at Radio Shack, who despite having a good flow of customers during this time of year, never really has a lot of truly good stuff to sell. Think about any Christmas you like and then try and remember what was the really hot item or toy that season… got it yet? Now, no matter what you thought of, Radio Shack never had it available… I’m not talking “in stock” either, I mean they just didn’t carry anything popular… ever. Yet, people still bought the stuff… but never wanted to buy the right batteries to go with it because they thought this electronic toy ran on magic and good intentions.
There’s a lot more to this story, but I’ll save it. The point is, a few holidays like that and you really lose your Christmas spirit.
The second time was the previous couple of years. The Gag is now going through its fourth Christmas and, thanks to all of you, it keeps growing year after year. Well, for a couple of years there, it was still small enough that I was filling all the orders myself, yet big enough that I was up until all hours of the night filling said orders while still holding down a full time job. This left very little time for all the fun parts of the holidays… the parties, the Christmas specials, the shopping, what have you… I lost all of that for those two years because if I tried to skip a night to do something fun, the orders would double up on me and I wouldn’t get to sleep at all.
Naturally, this too will suck the holiday spirit right out of you.
Luckily, I don’t have to work retail anymore and The Gag got large enough this year that I got to bring in help in filling orders. So, now I can go back to really enjoying the holidays and out of respect for my retail brethren, I do all my shopping online. And of course, I am back to where I really love this time of year again.
So, from all of us here at The Gag, I would like to wish you all a Happy Holiday Season and the best to all of you in the new year.
Jeff @ The Gag
PS – By the way, you’ll notice I said “Happy Holidays” up there. I know there is a lot of controversy right now about how people think we should go back to saying “Merry Christmas” or whatever. The problem I have with saying “Merry Christmas” doesn’t have anything to do with being “PC”, but just polite and practical. I need everyone to remember that you say things like the generic “happy holidays” because you don’t always know the religion of the person you’re speaking to at that moment… I personally work with a wide variety of Christians, Jews, and even Atheist who celebrate the Winter Solstice just to have something to do, and those are just the people I know.
Anyway, when you start to get really ticked about the fact that you don’t see “Merry Christmas” on the signs at Target, just remember that you’re not the only person in the world and you have to share it with everyone else… and in the US, there’s a really good chance everyone around could be something else besides what you are. And if you’re still angry… well then, you’re probably just forgetting the real reason for the season… and it has nothing to do what is printed on the signs.
J.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
One Thing In This World I Need Less Of…
I’ve decided that there is at least one thing in this world that I need less of… nude old guys talking to me at the gym. Let’s take that apart and analyze it shall we?
We’ll start with the end of the sentence because it’s really the easiest and it sets the scene for the attacks. Both men and women know the horrors that can occur in a gym locker room… bad hygiene, rude people jumping your claim on a sink, or selfish bogarting the area around the lockers to make it their own person dressing zone. These are all minor issues to me as I can easily just move away from the person in question, so let’s move on.
Now, back to the beginning of the sentence… “nude old guys”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of any nude guys. Despite my abilities to cook and keep a clean house, I’m a fan of the female form and planning on sticking with it for a long time. However, in this instance, I’ve noticed that it’s the old guys at the gym that are the biggest offenders as the younger set know to keep their distance.
And the final part of the equation… “talking to me”. I think I could really keep my sanity in check if there were just nude old guys at the gym; after all, it is a locker room and I drop trou like the rest of them. However, where these guys cross the line are when they start chatting me up about anything and everything… without covering up. This is basically an extension of the no talking in the bathroom rule guys have taken to the extreme, because now these guys are completely a sway, chatty, and for some reason, prone to putting one leg up on the little stools they have around the locker area. And of course, they usually do this to you while you’re sitting there putting your shoes on or something, you’re at exactly the right height to get clean shot of the future of your own junk as this guy tells you about his weekend of boating or what have you.
So, as a member of the male side of the human race, nude old guys talking to me at the gym take note – knock it off, you’re wiggin’ me out.
Jeff @ The Gag
We’ll start with the end of the sentence because it’s really the easiest and it sets the scene for the attacks. Both men and women know the horrors that can occur in a gym locker room… bad hygiene, rude people jumping your claim on a sink, or selfish bogarting the area around the lockers to make it their own person dressing zone. These are all minor issues to me as I can easily just move away from the person in question, so let’s move on.
Now, back to the beginning of the sentence… “nude old guys”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of any nude guys. Despite my abilities to cook and keep a clean house, I’m a fan of the female form and planning on sticking with it for a long time. However, in this instance, I’ve noticed that it’s the old guys at the gym that are the biggest offenders as the younger set know to keep their distance.
And the final part of the equation… “talking to me”. I think I could really keep my sanity in check if there were just nude old guys at the gym; after all, it is a locker room and I drop trou like the rest of them. However, where these guys cross the line are when they start chatting me up about anything and everything… without covering up. This is basically an extension of the no talking in the bathroom rule guys have taken to the extreme, because now these guys are completely a sway, chatty, and for some reason, prone to putting one leg up on the little stools they have around the locker area. And of course, they usually do this to you while you’re sitting there putting your shoes on or something, you’re at exactly the right height to get clean shot of the future of your own junk as this guy tells you about his weekend of boating or what have you.
So, as a member of the male side of the human race, nude old guys talking to me at the gym take note – knock it off, you’re wiggin’ me out.
Jeff @ The Gag
